i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
