ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
