All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I could make wine with my vomit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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