Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
