worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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