just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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