All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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