Who wears a wallet chain?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
