i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
