in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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