I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
