Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
