So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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