Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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