how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
