Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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