bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
