I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to jail i love you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
