in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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