Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
