youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
