are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
