I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
