That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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