i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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