Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
