Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
