so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
