So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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