theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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