I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
