Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
