He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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