just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
