There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my being single is dangerous.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
