Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
