I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
