Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
