you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
