I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
