Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize