Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
