I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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