my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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