Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
