(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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