I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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