New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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