And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
