first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you never un-have a 4some
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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