you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
