Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
