we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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