Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
