what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
