Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
