so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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