I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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