i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
