We got so high we made milksteak
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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