where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
