Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
