The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
