So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
