The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
