its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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