My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
