I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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