escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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