The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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