i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize