Will you blow on my dice?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You left your phone here
Wait...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
