Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
