The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
