Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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