i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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