I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
