I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
