WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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