I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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