The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
