so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
