so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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