So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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