Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
