I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
