He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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