just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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