Duck Duck Cougar?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
