i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
4 words: hood of his car
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
