Do you still have your period?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
