We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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