and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hippo gnu deer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
