I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize