And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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