i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
