I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
