Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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