Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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