You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
