wat bout pragnant strippers??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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