im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
