yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
