Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
