my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
