Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
