i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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